Bumper Stickers

• Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
• Say "NO" to drugs. That will bring the prices down.
• Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
• I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
• Nuke the Whales! We'll hunt them at night.
• People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
• Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking.
• So many cats, so few recipes.
• Save the trees, wipe your butt with an owl.
• Don't make me mad. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
• Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors.
• On the journey of life, I choose the psycho path.
• On your mark, get set, go away!
• To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.
• Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.
• Procrastinate now.
• Rehab is for quitters.
• I have a degree in Liberal Arts - do you want fries with that?
• West Virginia: One million people, and 15 last names.
• The trouble with life is there's no background music.
• NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
• Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
• Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
• Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
• Allow me to introduce my selves.
• Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
• I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
• I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
• Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
• Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.
• I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
• The trouble with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard.
• Senior Citizen: Give me my damn discount!
• I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
• A day without sunshine is like night.
• Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
• You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.
• BEAUTY is in the eye of the beer holder.
• Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
• Your kid may be an Honor Student, but YOU'RE still an idiot.
• I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
• If catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults.
• Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
• Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
• Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
• Honk If you want to see my finger.
• Keep honking while I reload.
• If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
• Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
• Constipation causes people not to give a crap.
• All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
• Watch out for the idiot behind me.
• So you're kids no honor student. Society needs laborers.
• Don’t bother honking or flashing your lights, I'm deaf and blind.
• Honk if you've never seen a gun fired from a moving vehicle.
• Some days it's just not worth gnawing through the leather straps.
• New Mexico: Cleaner than regular Mexico.
• Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter.
• Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
• Worry. God knows all about you.