Saturday, September 10, 2005

Bumper Stickers

  • Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
  • Say "NO" to drugs. That will bring the prices down.
  • Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
  • I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
  • Nuke the Whales! We'll hunt them at night.
  • People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
  • Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking.
  • So many cats, so few recipes.
  • Save the trees, wipe your butt with an owl.
  • Don't make me mad. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
  • Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors.
  • On the journey of life, I choose the psycho path.
  • On your mark, get set, go away!
  • To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.
  • Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.
  • Procrastinate now.
  • Rehab is for quitters.
  • I have a degree in Liberal Arts - do you want fries with that?
  • West Virginia: One million people, and 15 last names.
  • The trouble with life is there's no background music.
  • NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
  • Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
  • Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
  • Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
  • Allow me to introduce my selves.
  • Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
  • I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
  • I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
  • Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
  • Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.
  • I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
  • The trouble with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard.
  • Senior Citizen: Give me my damn discount!
  • I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
  • A day without sunshine is like night.
  • Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
  • You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.
  • BEAUTY is in the eye of the beer holder.
  • Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
  • Your kid may be an Honor Student, but YOU'RE still an idiot.
  • I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
  • If catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults.
  • Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
  • Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
  • Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
  • Honk If you want to see my finger.
  • Keep honking while I reload.
  • If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
  • Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
  • Constipation causes people not to give a crap.
  • All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
  • Watch out for the idiot behind me.
  • So you're kids no honor student. Society needs laborers.
  • Don’t bother honking or flashing your lights, I'm deaf and blind.
  • Honk if you've never seen a gun fired from a moving vehicle.
  • Some days it's just not worth gnawing through the leather straps.
  • New Mexico: Cleaner than regular Mexico.
  • Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter.
  • Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
  • Worry. God knows all about you.

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