Thanks to BlogJones.
The MotherBoard Chronicles.
(From Chapter Three.)
He places me on hold for – and I’m not kidding here – twenty two minutes. The only reason I didn’t hang up is because I held firmly in my mind the conviction that if I let him go now, I’d never ever get through to Dell tech support again. Finally, he popped back on the phone. “Okay, sir?”
“Yes,” I grumbled.
“Okay, I think I know what is going on. I believe it may have something to do with your drivers. Can I get you to go to Start, Control Panel, Display?”
“I cannot do as you ask, David.”
“Oh. Why not?”
“Because my display does not work, David. I can’t see a g**damn thing.”
“Oh. Okay, so it’s your monitor that needs service then?”
“No, David. I’m fairly certain it’s the video chip. I plugged an external monitor in and it didn’t work at all.”
“So, um… Ok, so you have a monitor plugged in and it doesn’t work?”
“Umm… Is it a Dell monitor? Because I don't think I can help you if it's not a -”
“Transfer me to your superior, please.”
“Umm… okay, no problem, one second sir.”
Nineteen minutes, several doodles of David in a guillotine, and three broken pencils later:
“My supervisor is tied up on another call right now.”
I sighed heavily. “Why does that not surprise me?”
“I asked another tech here about your problem, and they said that it’s most likely your motherboard.”
“Yep, that’s pretty much what I figured.”
“Okay, so will you be repairing this yourself, or will we be sending a tech out?”
“Oh, dear God, I hope you are sending a tech out.”
“Oh, okay, because to send a tech out would be $520.00.”
A VERY stunned silence ensued. He decided to break it with the “good” news.
“But if you do it yourself, that price drops to $380.00”.
“David, this laptop is still under warranty.”
He took a few seconds to study this. “Oh. I guess it is. In that case, I guess it would be free.”
I swear to God the Almighty that if David had been present in the room with me, I would have hoisted him high into the air and dropped him across my knee, breaking his back and paralyzing him for eternity. I would then spend every waking moment for the rest of our lives together reciting poetry about football into his ear and forcing him to eat nothing but Atkins-friendly candy.
Also, it seems that Dell hates Bloggers.
But, it's a policy of look and don't touch?